Sex toys are a great way to add more fun, variety, and excitement in the bedroom. Learn how to introduce sex toys in the bedroom from sexual health educators.
Why Every Relationship Needs Sex Toys
Whether your sex life is amazing or you need help in the bedroom, every relationship needs sex toys.
Adult sex toys help you spice up your relationship and have a more fun sex life. Sexual health tools, bedroom toys, marital aids, or whatever you want to call them are the key to helping you and your partner express yourself sexually. They add pleasure, fun, and playfulness to your sex life and relationship. They let you explore what feels good, mix things up if they get a little boring and experiment with new types of sensation.
Sex toys are designed to stimulate your most pleasurable areas. This includes the clitoris, G-spot, and prostate. They help you figure out what feels good and brings you to orgasm, all good things to know for yourself and to share with a partner.
8 Benefits of Sex Toys
1. More Sex
Everyone could use more pleasure and more enjoyable sex. Adult sex toys help couples have a more adventurous and fun sex life. If your sexual attitude is more playful, then your sexual relationship is more satisfying.
2. Better Sex
Meanwhile, many men have trouble sustaining their erections as long as they would like, whether it be because of age or medication.
3. Fake Orgasms
About 50% of women have faked an orgasm at least once. If you use sex toys, your chances of reaching an orgasm increase dramatically. If she is lucky enough to orgasm through penetration, it could take up to 20 minutes. If she were to use a luxury vibrator, it could take a few minutes.
4. Premature Ejaculation
5. Orgasms For All
The best sex includes an orgasm for each partner. That should be the goal every time you have sex. Premium high-quality sex toys help you reach your goal and cross the finish line.
6. Body Image Issues
Many women are embarrassed about their body, which can sometimes lead to intimacy issues. Using sex toys during mutual masturbation can reduce the anxiety of nakedness and help create more intimacy.
7. Sex Toys = Pleasure
Who is not a fan of orgasms? You might be too tired or busy to have sex, but there’s no denying that orgasms feel good. Sex toys can help you have more orgasms. Who doesn’t want that?
8. Sex Toys are Fun!
Whether you have been with your partner for a few months or many years, things are not as exciting as they used to be and you want to try something new. That’s ok – you are only human! Sex toys can add excitement to the bedroom and keep things from getting mundane. Using a sex toy together can bring you closer; sharing new experiences together can be very intimate.
9 Common Sex Toys Myths
Sadly, sex toys have a bad reputation because of the many myths out there. Here are some common myths about sex toys:
1. Respectful People Don’t Use Sex Toys
All kinds of people use sex toys, including people most would consider perfectly normal. Using a sex toy doesn’t make you “weird” or doesn’t say anything negative about your relationship. It just helps you have fun and allows you to orgasm! Also, no one has to know unless you tell them.
2. All Sex Toys Are Dangerous
In the US, sex toys are not regulated. Toys do not have to undergo testing in order to be sold. There also are no regulations about what materials can be used and no one to call if something bad does happen. So, anyone can make, sell, and market any product they wish.
Sex Tip: Just because a toy might say that it’s made with silicone, it doesn't mean that it’s made with the highest quality silicone.
While it is true that cheap sex toys can cause harmful skin reactions and some are toxic, premium high-quality sex toys can have very positive effects on your sexual health.
Learn why cheap sex toys are a waste of time and money here.
For example, all women can benefit from Kegel exercisers to tone the pelvic floor muscles; if you suffer from painful sex, vibrators can stimulate blood flow; many doctors and therapists recommend sex toys and vibrators to women who have trouble reaching orgasm; prostate massagers reduce the risk of prostate cancer, erectile dysfunction, and frequent nighttime urination.
And finally, orgasms help you live longer, block pain and, some say, look younger.
Learn more about the health benefits of orgasms here.
3. Sex Toys Are Just For Masturbation
While sex toys are commonly used for masturbation, many couples enjoy using sex toys together, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. Usually, these couples are comfortable trying new things together and are open-minded.
4. Your Partner Will Feel Inadequate
Do you think that bringing in a sex toy will hurt your partner’s feelings? If so, make sure to communicate to your partner that an object, such as a sex toy, is not a substitute for a real person. A sex toy can give you an orgasm, but it can’t tell you how much they love you or rub your feet. If your partner has this fear, be sensitive and stroke their ego a little bit. As with most relationship issues, good communication is key.
5. If You Use Sex Toys Too Much, You Won't Be Able to Orgasm Any Other Way
If your partner is afraid you’ll replace him or her with your favorite toy, promise him or her that you’ll keep your sex life varied: try different positions, new toys, light bondage and fantasy play.
6. If Your Relationship And Sex Life Is Healthy, You Do Not Need A Sex Toy
Many of us think that we already have a healthy sex life and relationship. However, who wouldn’t want to make their relationship even stronger and closer by sharing a new experience? If your partner is adamant about not needing a sex toy to make your sex life even better, assure him or her that you don’t need a sex toy either, you’d just like to try one.
7. Something Is Wrong With You/Your Partner If You Use Sex Toys
There are some people who think, "If I can't satisfy my partner, something is wrong with me" or "If my partner can't orgasm when we have sex, something is wrong with them."
Neither is true.
Sex toys are tools and sexual aids meant to be played with. As some sex educators say: "we use tools in the kitchen, the garage, and everywhere else - what’s the big deal about using tools that help with your pleasure in the bedroom?!"
8. You Or Your Partner Is Afraid Of Feeling/Never Experienced Pleasure
Pleasure is a birthright. Everyone deserves it and should have it -- not just one partner.
9. Buying Sex Toys Can Be Embarrassing And Intimidating
For many people, walking into a sex toy store is embarrassing and difficult. There are many cheap sex toys and the selection is overwhelming. There are not many sex toy stores that sell high-quality premium sex toys and/or are interested in helping you figure out what is the best product for you.
Most toys make you feel uncomfortable because they are usually phallic or ugly looking or are so loud that you think your children or neighbor might hear what you are up to. Premium sex toys are just the opposite. You might not even realize that they are sex toys because they don't look like a sex toy and are now so discreet and quiet that no one will be the wiser.
Introducing Sex Toys In The Bedroom
Hopefully, you now have the confidence you need to introduce sex toys into your relationship. Don't forget that experimentation never hurt anyone!
First and foremost, trying something new with your partner in the bedroom should be consensual. Even if you’ve talked about it in the past, it’s always a good idea to check in before or during sex to see if they’re comfortable with it.
Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. If you can’t share your feelings or desires, something is not right.
If you’ve never had the conversation before, use an article or a discussion with a friend to start things off. It can be as simple as, “Hey honey - I saw this article about [--] today and I wanted to chat with you about [--]. How do you feel about trying that?”
Start Small And Slow
When you’re ready, start small and slow. If you are interested in using a sex toy, start small and non-phallic so no one will be intimidated. Premium sex toys tend to be more discreetly shaped so they’re a little less threatening to a partner who’s worried the toy will replace them. Have the toy within a reaching distance of wherever you’re having sex, make sure it’s clean, and bring it out when you’re craving something extra.
Learn how to clean and store your sex toys here.
Discuss Sex Toy Myths
If your partner is hesitant, maybe they believe some myths that were discussed above. Think about their biggest concern and discuss it with them.
For toys, focus on the benefits of using toys, specifically together. It feels better for both of you, helps mix things up and keep things new and fun. If you’re comfortable, also mention that it helps you get the stimulation you need to orgasm, no matter what position you’re in. Mention to your partner that the majority of sex toy users are people in relationships and they’re using them to enhance rather than replace their sex life.
Reassure your partner that as much as you love your toy, it can never ever replace them - a person and a machine serve two different functions in your life. Toys are designed to hit our pleasure centers in ways that don’t often work during intercourse.
Sex Toy Rules
You might want to create some rules around toy use. For example, maybe you only use toys together when you mutually masturbate. Or if you struggle to orgasm during intercourse, avoid using the toy for a few days before sex. Or, only try that sex act on special occasions.
Next Steps . . .
When the time is right and you and your partner have experienced something small and not intimidating, work your way up to something bigger and bolder.
Best Sex Toys For Introducing Sex Toys In The Bedroom
Here are our suggestions of the products to try when introducing sex toys in the bedroom:
We-Vibe Tango Vibrator
The We-Vibe Tango Vibrator is a small bullet vibrator that can be used alone or during sex. The Tango's tip is excellent for pin-point clitoral stimulation. It's small, discreet, and easy to travel with. Plus, it's 100% waterproof and USB rechargeable.
Je Jour Mimi Vibrator
The Je Joue MiMi Vibrator is an external vibrator that is excellent for broad stimulation of the vulva. It is comfortable to use and fits nicely in the palm of your hand. Mimi is also small, discreet, and easy to travel with. Like other premium luxury vibrators, it is 100% waterproof and USB rechargeable.
The Womanizer is not a vibrator. It uses Pleasure Air Technology to gently suck the clitoris for fast and amazing orgasms. While regular vibrators can cause the clitoris to become sensitive after an orgasm, the Womanizer does not, which allows some people to have multiple orgasms. The Womanizer is an excellent sex toy to use when there is not a lot of time and you need to have an orgasm. Available in Womanizer P40 (entry level), Womanizer Deluxe, Womanizer Plus and Womanizer 2Go.
If you have a penis and you are new to vibrators and masturbators, the Pulse 3 is the perfect option. You can use the Pulse 3 SOLO alone for masturbation or Pulse 3 DUO with a partner during sex. (Your partner feels the vibration on the other side of the vibrator.) The Pulse 3 can be used whether the penis is flaccid or erect and is great for those who suffer from erectile dysfunction.
B-Vibe Novice Plug
Although we wouldn't recommend introducing a vibrating butt plug before a regular vibrator, the B-Vibe Novice Plug is excellent for beginners who want to explore anal play. Small and discreet, the B-Vibe Novice Plug is about the size of a finger and features a slightly tapered design, which makes it ideal for anal play beginners.
Aneros Helix Syn
If prostate play is something you want to explore (some say that it's better than a penile orgasm), then we suggest starting out with the Aneros Helix Syn Prostate Massager. The Helix Syn is comfortable for maximum pleasure with a tapered tip allowing for easier insertion. The Aneros Helix Syn also features a narrowed neck for increased mobility.
A penis ring constricts blood flow to the penis for stronger and better orgasms. A vibrating penis ring vibrates on the vulva and clitoris so your partner also feels the vibration. A vibrating penis ring can also be used as an external vibrator on the clitoris and vulva. We love the We-Vibe Pivot Vibrating Ring because it is comfortable and stretches to fit most penises. It is also controlled by your smartphone with the free We-Connect app.
Although not a toy, personal lubricant is a great way to introduce sexual health products and sexual aids into the bedroom.
Why use lubricant?
It makes sex better. Image washing your hands without soap. Now, image washing your hands with soap. When you use soap, it's wetter and slicker. The same thing happens with sex and masturbation.
If you think you or your partner is "wet enough", you can never have enough lubrication, especially as you get older, use certain medications, are stressed or experiment with anal play.
We recommend Sliquid Sassy Water Based Lubricant (good for silicone sex toys, masturbation or sex) or Migliori Silicone Lubricant (good for sex especially if you do not make enough of your own natural lubrication, water play or premium non-silicone sex toys).
The most common sexual stimulant is a clitoral stimulant. It heightens sensitivity by increasing blood flow to the clitoris. Sexual stimulants have ingredients like menthol or cinnamon oil that make them tingle. No matter what the ingredients are, you should stop using the stimulant if you experience an unpleasant burning feeling.
Sex Tip: L-arginine is a common ingredient in some stimulants and should be avoided. It’s not safe to use if you’re pregnant, diabetic, or have herpes. Even if you don’t have any of those, it’s safety is still questionable.
It's easy to introduce sex toy in the bedroom. So long as you do it the right way, you will be sure to have success in more ways than one!