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Top 5 Best BDSM Toys, Bondage Gear, and Equipment for Beginners 2021

Top 5 Best BDSM Toys, Bondage Gear, and Equipment for Beginners 2021

Posted by Sexual Health Educator on 5th Feb 2021

Top 5 Best BDSM Sex Toys, Gear, and Equipment for Beginners as chosen by a sex educator.

Top-5-Best-BDSM-Toys-Bondage-Gear-and-Equipment-for-Beginners

Top 5 Best BDSM Toys for Beginners


This post was last updated on February 5, 2021 at 9:12 a.m.

BDSM toys are an excellent way to add more fun and variety to your sexual play. Adding BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) to the bedroom heightens your senses and can help you to enjoy pleasure even more. BDSM toys, bondage gear, and equipment have also become more mainstream. This is thanks to 50 Shades of Grey.

Unfortunately, there are many myths and questions surrounding this type of sexual play. As a beginner, the idea of BDSM can be very scary.

"Will it hurt?”

"Is it ok to want it?”

"How do you start with BDSM?” 

BDSM is all about pleasure and highlighting the senses. You might prefer dominance or submission. Or, you might prefer something as simple as using a blindfold to highlight your senses. When aroused, your body responds in different ways to your senses. This response gives you unexpected pleasure. This is true whether you are a BDSM beginner or expert.

If BDSM is something that interests you, GREAT! We can help you start your sexual journey. We know that BDSM can seem overwhelming and terrifying for beginners. But, BDSM doesn't have to be.

Why?

Because anyone can do it! Plus, you can do as much or as little as you want!

Whether you want to live your life based on BDSM practices or explore BDSM casually, everyone deserves to feel that their desires and fantasies are valid.

It is very easy for BDSM beginners to get started. So, get creative! There’s a safe way to explore almost every behavior in a consensual way.

THE BASICS . . .


What is BDSM?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines BDSM as a "sexual activity involving such practices as the use of physical restraints, the granting and relinquishing of control, and the infliction of pain."

The acronym stands for:

Bondage and discipline

Restriction, which can be either physical or emotional, and can also include orgasm control, rope play, breath play, etc

Domination and submission

A relationship dynamic where power and control are negotiated and exchanged for erotic enjoyment.

Sadism and masochism

When people erotically enjoy either inflicting (sadist) or receiving (masochist) physical or emotional pain. This can include impact play, sensation play or electro-stimulation.

BDSM isn’t one thing — it’s an umbrella term used to describe many different sexual practices, relationships, and distinct culture. In other words, it means lots of things.

It includes a broad range of erotic acts and sexual play. You can also do as much or as little BDSM sexual play as you like. Some people use BDSM when they want to spice things up in the bedroom, whereas some consider it a way of life.

Myths Around BDSM

There are many myths surrounding BDSM. One of the biggest myths is that it is actually abuse. BDSM, like all sex acts, should be completely consensual.

For those for whom BDSM is a lifestyle, boundaries and preferences are discussed before people begin playing. While part of a sex act or ‘scene’ may include questionable consent, everyone involved has already discussed what they will and will not do. They have established a safe word to activate if either partner wants the play to end.

Another myth is that there is something wrong with people who enjoy BDSM. In fact, research shows the opposite. A study of almost 1500 individuals found that those who identified as kinky were:

  • More educated
  • Less neurotic
  • More extroverted
  • More open to new experiences
  • More conscientious
  • More confident in their relationships
  • Less likely to take rejection personally

BDSM participants also had a lower need for approval. Additionally, they reported higher subjective well-being.

Does this mean that BDSM makes you happier and helps you have a stronger relationship? For some people, yes and for some people, no. You can learn a lot about yourself and your partner by participating in BDSM. Plus, BDSM is another way to gain sexual fulfillment.

How to Add BDSM to the Bedroom

As a beginner, you want to start with the basics. Like all sex acts, BDSM should always be consensual. Some of the activities that fall under the BDSM and kinky sex umbrella can cause physical harm. Thus, risks and limits should be considered, discussed, and clarified beforehand. Doing a little bit of research before exploring BDSM ensures you and your partner have more fun with it!

Now that you know what you need to do, here are five beginner-friendly BDSM acts to add into your sex life:

  • Sensation play uses the body’s senses to arouse and stimulate. Examples include tickling, spanking, using ice cubes on your partner’s body or during oral sex (temperature play) and tying your partner up or blindfolding them (sensory deprivation). Sensation play is limited only by your imagination and personal limits. Click here for more ideas for adding sensation play into your sexual repertoire.
  • Roleplay. Act out your fantasies and explore taboos. Role play can be as simple or elaborate as you want. You can use name calling (e.g. Daddy), costumes, props, and even sex toys (butt plugs with horse, pig or bunny tails).
  • Sadomasochism (S&M) involves one partner having complete control over the other. You may already know that you prefer being in control (top or dom), being controlled (bottom or sub), or switching between the two (switch). If not, take turns initiating and playing both roles. Pain, humiliation, and bondage are often used in S&M as a way to exert power.
  • Use strap-ons for BDSM play. Pegging sex, when a person with a vulva wears a strap-on and penetrates a person with a penis, is one example.

Click here for more information on choosing a strap-on and harness.

6 Tips for Adding BDSM to the Bedroom for Beginners

1. Communicate

Tell your partner that you are interested in exploring this type of pleasure. Once you do start experimenting, especially when you are a BDSM beginner, make sure to check-in with your partner to see if they also enjoyed themselves and discuss if there are any ways that the experience can be improved.

2. Yes/No/Maybe List

BDSM beginners together with your partner should write a comprehensive list of every sexual act that comes to mind. Next to each item, each person writes Yes, No or Maybe. That's the best way to discover what interests both of you.

If you want something more formal, you could use a BDSM contract. Written by an attorney, this legal-style document is excellent for any relationship that experiments with BDSM sexual play and power exchange. Make your goals, desires, boundaries and limits crystal clear to your partner with this BDSM contract. You and your partner can choose how strict or lenient this contract should be.

3. Know What Turns You On

No matter what kind of sexual play you like, everyone should know what turns them on and what does not.

For BDSM beginners, the easiest and safest way to discover what turns you on is to read BDSM erotica or educational books about BDSM. Note in the story what excites you, and share it with your partner.

4. Stay Safe

All BDSM beginners should Agree on a safe word with their partner. This safe word for when things get to be too much for you or your partner, like "red" (stop) or yellow" (go slower).

5. Smaller Is Better

Everyone should start small and keep it simple. An excellent BDSM toy and bondage gear for beginners is a blindfold or wrist cuffs. Or, you can use your hand for spanking. Once you get more comfortable, you can introduce other items into your fantasy.

6. HAVE FUN!!

The goal is to have fun and enjoy pleasure ... no matter how you experience that pleasure.

Types of BDSM Toys, Gear, and Equipment for Beginners

There are many types of BDSM toys, gear, equipment available for beginners. Of course, more advanced BDSM toys exist. But, as a beginner to BDSM, we recommend that you work your way up to more advanced toys.

Gags

Gags are used in breath play and during dominance. There are 3 types of gags:

  1. Bit (bar) gag
  2. Ball gag
  3. Ring gag

Restraints

Restraints are enjoyable because they heighten other sensory experiences and provides control for the non-restrained person and more power exchange. Restraints can include wrist and ankle restraints. An under the bed restraint system will include both wrist and ankle restraints that can be used at the same time.

When using restraints, it's always important to keep safety in mind. Using restraints should be fun and should not inflict pain on your partner. Be aware of the following signs when your partner's body is at risk:

  • Nerve damage or loss of circulation
  • Color, tingling, or temperature changes
  • They can't move their fingers or toes when under restraint

Impact Play BDSM Toys

Impact play BDSM toys are used to strike or slap your partner to inflict pleasurable pain.

When you use impact play BDSM toys, it's best to make sure that you and your partner discuss boundaries, agree on the intensity, and use the same language to discuss what your expectations are.

The best way to know that the skin needs a rest is when the skin looks like orange peel. It's time to stop when the pores are visible and enlarged.

You should always practice before you start impact play. Also, you should know where to hit and where NOT to hit:

  • NO: Kidneys, joints, eyes, thin tissue covering bone, parts of the torso hiding major organs
  • YES: Butt cheeks, the upper thighs (front and back), the back of the calves and, the upper back and shoulders

There are several different types of impact play BDSM toys that you can use:

  1. Floggers - The multiple tassels give a playful sting or thud when brought down on the skin of the upper back, the butt, or thighs.
  2. Paddles - Excellent for the butt cheek or upper thigh.
  3. Slappers or Riding Crops - Depending on the length, a riding crop can provide a stinging slap or a deep thud.

Aftercare

After a BDSM session, some people feel extra vulnerable and will need some emotional attention. Meanwhile, some people prefer to be left alone. Discuss this with your partner before you get started so that you understand everyone's needs in order for this to be the most pleasurable experience possible.

The Top . . .

5 BEST
BDSM TOYS, GEAR, & EQUIPMENT FOR BEGINNERS
in 2021


BEST KIT: Everything Bondage Kit

PRICE TAG:

$49.99

(Discreet shipping)

Perfect for beginners who want to experience all things bondage, this BDSM kit full of BDSM toys. This sex kit includes a little bit of everything. Fleece-lined PVC wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, and collar make for a comfortable introduction to BDSM and a personal bondage fantasy.

BEST RESTRAINTS: Quickie Silicone Wrist and Ankle Cuffs

PRICE TAG:

Starts at $12.99

(Discreet shipping)

Whether you use the Quickie Cuffs as handcuffs or ankle restraints, these cuffs are flexible and fit anyone. This BDSM toy is quick and easy to use without having to worry about keys or making a lot of noise. Also, these luxury restraints are soft but strong because they are made with secure silicone.

BEST BLINDFOLD: Bijoux Indiscrets Satin Blindfold

PRICE TAG:

$19.99

(Discreet shipping)

This soft double sided blindfold will cover your eyes, which will help you rediscover your other senses...sound, smell, taste, and especially touch! Designed to contour the shape of your face for a sensual fit, this deluxe 77" satin blindfold will keep you in the dark, waiting, wanting... and begging for more!

BEST PADDLE: Tantus Gen Silicone Spanking Paddle

PRICE TAG:

$29.99

(Discreet shipping)

The Tantus Gen Paddle is a versatile BDSM toy. It can be used as a silicone spanking paddle for getting into tight spaces. The thin stingy surface is precise in its bite. It is easy to use and never hurts the handler’s wrist. It’s perfect for genital and targeted impact, as well as good all around BDSM sexual play.

If you invert this BDSM toy, the handle gives a nice thuddy hit. The 7-inch handle has a comfortable egg to hold at the end and is safe for vaginal or anal insertion with a water-based lubricant.

BEST FLOGGER: Soft Leather Flogger

PRICE TAG:

Starts at $29.99

(Discreet shipping)

This flogger is made of super soft leather, which gives it a more fun and playful tingle, without too much sting or harshness. You can use it as a flogger or gently drape it over your partner to tease and delight!

Our Favorite BDSM Books for Beginners:

Our Favorite BDSM Erotica Books:

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