There are many facts you should have learned in sex education class but didn’t — including pleasure.
Many of us had health class or sex education class in high school. Besides the gym teacher being too embarrassed to teach us anything or the fact that no one was paying attention and used this class as a period to sleep, many of us learned very little with regards to sex education. If you were lucky enough to have sex education and pay attention, you might have been taught about abstinence, birth control, and/or sexually transmitted diseases.
What you did NOT learn about was about P L E A S U R E (and possibly consent but that’s a whole other topic).
Why Pleasure Is An Important Part of Sex Education?
Pleasure is a very important part of teaching sex education, which often gets overlooked. Pleasure is just as important as birth control, STIs, and consent, which is why pleasure should be part of a sex education class.
Who Should Learn About Pleasure?
No matter your gender and what type of relationship you are in — single or with a significant other — pleasure is an important piece of sex education for everyone. After all, everyone deserves pleasure and has the right to learn about it.
People need to be taught about pleasure just like they need to be taught how to drive a car, make an omelet, or play tennis. Whether you have a penis or clitoris, it’s important to learn and understand how everyone experiences pleasure. It’s not only good to know how you and your body react to pleasure but also how your partner wants pleasure. So, here’s what we wish you learned in sex education class.
20 Facts Sex Educators Want You to Learn in Sex Education Class:
1 – Pleasure is important!!
Pleasure is important, feels good, and is a birthright. Everyone deserves it — no matter your gender or sexuality. One partner’s pleasure is just as important as the other’s. Each partner gets to decide what pleasure looks and feels like for themselves.
There are many parts of the body where you can receive pleasure: the penis, clitoris, breasts and nipples, anus, and anywhere else you can think of!
In fact, research has shown that pleasure and orgasms help you lead happier and healthier lives.
Did you know that the only job of the clitoris is to give pleasure? Also, the clitoris has more nerve endings (about 8000) compared to the penis (about 6000)?
2 – Pleasure is different for everyone.
As important as orgasms are, they are not the end-all and be-all of sex and pleasure. Orgasms are just one part of pleasure. Pleasure can also include feeling:
- connected to your partner
When you focus on maximizing pleasure, you break free of ideas about what good sex looks and feels like. Maximizing pleasure helps you have an intimate, exciting, fulfilling, and lasting sex life.
3 – Arousal and desire are different.
Arousal and desire are not the same things. Your body can be aroused but you might not feel any desire. You can be physically turned on, where your genitals get wet and hard, but that doesn’t imply anything about your wants, desires, or feelings.
This is very common among women and somewhat common among men. Your body tells you whether something is sexual; your brain tells you whether you like it and if you want more.
4 – Foreplay is important.
For many people with vulvas, foreplay is necessary for pleasurable sex. Foreplay is:
- an excellent de-stressor
- preps your body for sex
- FEELS GOOD
On average, women need 10-40 minutes before they’re fully aroused — the exact amount of time depends on factors like how stressed they are, what medicines they are on, where they are in your menstrual cycle, and more. (Fully aroused means that blood is flowing to the vulva, the clitoris is hard (because it gets erect just like a penis), the natural lubrication process has begun!)
Foreplay should be fun – massages, making out, handjobs, fingering, and oral sex. Foreplay can also include reading erotica to each other, watching porn together, or even cuddling! Foreplay is a great way to connect with your partner and help you both get in the mood.
5 – Your brain is your largest sexual organ.
Your brain controls your positive and negative thoughts, which can affect how much pleasure you give and receive. Once your brain is “on board”, you are ready to give and accept pleasure.
6 – If you don’t feel good about yourself, you can’t enjoy pleasure.
Feeling good in your body is important to experiencing pleasure. If you don’t love yourself and your body, it’s really hard for you to open up and let someone else love you (or even see you naked!).
7 – Understand what makes you feel good.
If you don’t know your body and understand what feels good to you, you can not communicate that to your partner. Learn how to masturbate. There is no right way or wrong way. What feels good for you might not feel as good for someone else.
8 – Your desires can change.
It’s ok if your desires change. Whether you like different things or add to your sexual playbook, it’s normal.
What impacts your sex life has nothing to do with sex. Sex can be impacted by:
- Birth control
- Lack of exercise & poor diet
- Lack of sleep
- Low testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, oxytocin levels
- Relationship problems
9 – There is NO normal.
There is no normal when it comes to sex and sexual play. You might like something and you might hate something else. As long as your sexual play is safe and consensual and works for you and your partner, it is ok.
10 – About 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.
Therefore, most women do not orgasm through penetration with a penis in their vagina.
11 – The clitoris has legs.
The clitoris is shaped like a wishbone. Most people know about the “button” or “pearl” at the top of the vulva, but they don’t know that the clitoris has legs, which can extend down to the anus.
12 – Lube Is Important.
Lube is important and makes sex and masturbation better. Sexual lubricant heightens sensation, protects the vagina and anus from irritation and micro-cuts, and can keep a condom from breaking.
Most of the time, our bodies produce enough natural lubricant to be comfortable every day. However, if you are having sex or using sex toys, you may need more than what nature provides, especially if you are:
- experiencing hormonal changes or menopause
- on medications
- experiencing stress
- lack of sleep
Also, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina. Therefore, lube is absolutely necessary during anal play and penetration.
It’s ok to use personal lubricant. It doesn’t say anything about how into sex someone is. Lube makes sexual play wetter or slicker depending on which lube you prefer and you can never be wet enough. As we like to say:
Wetter is ALWAYS better!
13 – The G-spot exists for most people.
Although each body is different, most people with vulvas have a G-spot. When aroused, it is the size of a walnut 2-4 inches on your vaginal wall somewhere near your belly button. Also, when the G-spot is aroused, it feels bumpy similar to the roof of your mouth. Many people need lots of arousal, time, and pressure for G-spot stimulation.
14 – There is nothing wrong with sex toys!
Sex toys add pleasure, fun, and playfulness to your sex life and relationship. They let you explore what feels good, mix things up, and experiment with new types of sensation. Sex toys help you figure out what feels good and brings you to orgasm — all good things to know for yourself and to share with a partner!
15 – Urinate after vaginal sex.
It is recommended that you urinate after vaginal sex. It helps prevent urinary tract infections. Infections are common, especially if you are having A LOT of sex.
16 – Sex isn’t just penis-vagina penetration.
There are so many expectations and ideas about what sex “should” look like. Sex is whatever makes you feel good. It could be kissing, touching, licking, oral sex, anal sex, fingering or anything else that you can dream of. It does not have to mean only penis-in-vagina penetration.
17 – Anal play and penetration can be pleasurable for everyone.
Since the legs of the clitoris can extend down to the anus, women can also orgasm from anal play or penetration. Also, a thin membrane is all that separates the vaginal cavity from the rectal cavity. Therefore, direct stimulation of the clitoris during anal play helps some women achieve orgasm.
18 – Just because you like anal penetration does not mean you are a homosexual or gay.
What makes you a homosexual is the partner you are with — NOT the act of sexual play and pleasure you enjoy.
19 – If you have a penis, massaging your prostate can produce the best and strongest orgasms.
Prostate play not only gives you the BEST orgasms but it also makes you healthier. Massaging the prostate helps to reduce the size of the prostate by releasing the toxins inside the prostate. You might not ejaculate from a prostate massage, but you will still orgasm. Many use prostate massagers for prostate play.
20 – Being kinky is not bad.
People who are into kink or BDSM are not weird or “those types of people”. They are just like you: electricians, mechanics, librarians, doctors, etc. However, the major difference is that they enjoy experiences that give them pleasure, which is different from what you prefer. Kink or BDSM is a perfectly acceptable way to experience pleasure so long as it’s safe and consensual. It just might not be for you.
As you can see, there’s a lot to learn about sex and pleasure. People need to be taught about sex just the same way as we are taught to how play the piano or how to swin. Never be too shy to ask questions or seek out more information. Afterall, knowledge is power and … PLEASURE!