A Sex Educator's Guide to Prostate Play. Learn all about prostate play and massage.
A Sex Educator's Guide to
Last updated October 20, 2020 at 4:04 p.m.
September is both Prostate Health and Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. The prostate has gotten lots of attention in the last decade or so and is slowly being recognized as a pleasure center. At My Secret Luxury, we think there’s no better way to celebrate than with a little exploration and massage! Of course, a little Prostate 101 doesn't hurt either! Here’s the basics and a sex educator's guide to the prostate and prostate play.
The Basics . . .
Why Do People Enjoy Prostate Stimulation?
For MORE PLEASURE, of course! A prostate massage can give you longer lasting, more intense orgasms. Some people who try it say that it’s the most powerful orgasm of their life!
A prostate massage is also a great option for anyone dealing with erectile dysfunction. This is because the pleasure from a prostate massage doesn’t rely on either an erect penis or ejaculation.
To double the pleasure, stimulate the penis and prostate at the same time.
What Is The Prostate?
The prostate is a chestnut-sized gland in people born with penises. It’s often called the ‘male G-spot’ or the ‘P-spot’ because it brings deep sexual pleasure to some people when it’s stimulated.
Where Is The Prostate?
The prostate is located a few inches inside the anus toward the belly. It’s near the root of the penis (the place inside the body where the penis starts), just below the bladder. This is why people with prostate issues have to pee a lot: it’s pressing against the bladder.
To find the prostate with your fingers, insert one or two and move them in an upward motion along the wall of the rectum that faces the front of the body.
What Does The Prostate Do?
The prostate helps with reproduction and orgasm. It creates a fluid that protects sperm and helps with ejaculation. This fluid helps sperm move more quickly and stay alive longer after ejaculation. Prostate fluid actually makes up about 30% of ejaculate and is responsible for the bitter taste.
What Why Does The Prostate Get Enlarged?
Prostate enlargement (also called benign prostatic hyperplasia or BPH) means the prostate has grown bigger. Its cause is unknown. What we do know is that it happens to almost everyone with a prostate and normally functioning testicles as they get older. In fact, it’s so common that it’s been said all men will have an enlarged prostate if they live long enough.
Having BPH isn’t dangerous and often doesn’t cause problems. Sometimes though the prostate can get big enough to press against the urethra (the tube that carries pee out of the body) and cause urination problems like peeing a lot. The good news? Less than half of folks with BPH experience symptoms.
How do you massage the prostate?
You can massage the prostate from inside or outside the body.
To start massaging the prostate externally, use your fingers or a sex toy to touch, rub, stroke, or press the perineum (or taint...the area between the testicles and the butt). Play around with different sensations and pressures. And if you are sharing this experience with a partner, don’t forget to talk about what feels good and what doesn’t.
You can use fingers or a toy to do internal prostate massage as well. Here are some things to keep in mind.
- File your fingernails to make sure there are no sharp edges. And use the pads of the fingers instead of the tip or nail.
- Don’t forget the lube! Lube is extra important for any sort of backdoor play. UberLube is fabulous if you’re using fingers and Sliquid Sassy is great for toys.
- Worried about germs? Use finger cots or a condom on the toy.
- Only use toys made for anal play. These have a flared base (or phalange) to stop the toy from disappearing into the anus and make it easier to take out the toy.
- Look for toys that curve down. The Aneros line has prostate toys for everyone, from beginners to advanced users.
- Try different positions. What feels the most comfortable to you and your partner? Start there.
- Go slow. Start with one finger or a small toy and insert it just a little. Once comfortable, go a little deeper.
- Check-in. Keep chatting about what feels good and what doesn’t. Want more pressure? A slower speed? A different motion? Remember: this is supposed to feel good!
You can also do prostate massage at the same time as other sexy activities. Use a butt plug like the Njoy Pure Plug during a blowjob. Stick a finger in during intercourse. Pair something you already love with something new to make it easier and make both feel more pleasurable.
What Will Any Fluid Come Out When I Orgasm From A Prostate Massage?
That depends on you, your body, and whether you’re massaging the prostate on its own or in combination with other sex acts.
If you’re stimulating the penis and the prostate, you’ll likely ejaculate as normal. If you’re just massaging the prostate, you’ll probably release clear, prostate fluid through the urethra. You might also release a lot of fluid during prostate massage — again it all depends on you and your body.
How Do I Take Care Of My Prostate?
This little organ is obviously pretty important. So how can you take care of it so you can enjoy prostate play for years to come?
The research is pretty limited but here are four ideas to try:
- Eat more low-fat, high-fiber foods and foods with omega-3 fatty acids. these include soy products, tomatoes, cruciferous vegetables, fish, walnuts, and flaxseeds.
- Be physically active.
- Massage it!
That’s right: solo sex really is good for your health! Some studies have found that regular masturbation and prostate massage reduce the risk of prostatitis, prostate cancer, genital pain, symptoms of erectile dysfunction and frequent nighttime urination. It may also improve overall erectile function. The studies aren’t super reliable but hey - it’s worth a shot, right?
Prostate play isn’t for everyone.
Prostate play, like any sex act, doesn’t feel good for everyone. But the key to having an amazing sex life is trying new things. Whether you have a prostate or your partner does, these tips will help you explore safely and pleasurably.
Written by Kait Scalisi, MPH, Director of Education and Training, My Secret Luxury