How To Introduce Anal Sex and The Best Anal Toys

7 minutes to read

Learn how to introduce anal sex to your partner and which are the best anal sex toys to use from sexual health educators.

Do you want to ask your partner for anal sex and are not sure how to tell your partner that you want to try it?

Anal sex is something people feel strongly about. You may have:

  • Never tried it and are very curious about
  • Loved it
  • Had a bad experience with it

Many people want to explore anal play but don’t have the important safety and health information, which can lead to bad and painful experiences.

Whether if you have tried it or not, there are many myths surrounding anal sex and penetration. Before you ask your partner for anal sex, you should understand all of the anal sex myths.

Anal Sex and Penetration Myths

Myth #1: If You Like Anal Sex, You Are Gay.

Fact: Anal play is a common sexual activity for people of all genders and sexual orientations — not just gay men.

In the 1960s, the Kinsey Institute found that many people of all identities and relationships enjoy anal sex as part of their regular sexual activity.

The anus is an excellent equalizer because everyone has one. The rectum and anus connect to different nerve endings than the front of the genitals which is why anal can be pleasurable.

Unfortunately, a lot of people with penises express fear about receiving anal pleasure. They feel that they aren’t a “real man” if they like anal stimulation. Sadly, because of this fear, they are missing out on some amazing fun.

How you achieve pleasure has nothing to do with your sexual orientation or gender.

Approximately 40% of gay men enjoy anal sex. Despite the pleasure derived from anal play, anal sex is not for everyone . . . and that’s OK.

Myth #2: Something Is Wrong With Me If I Like Anal Sex.

Fact: Anal play has huge pleasure potential, and it gets a bad rap because of taboos and stigmas.

Unfortunately, there’s a popular perception that anal sex is not for “good girls” and “good girls” definitely never initiate it. The misperception that women don’t like anal sex is not true. Some do and some don’t. Either way, neither partner should be coerced into anal sex or agree to do it just for the sake of their partner.

Anal play can seem shameful and is shamed because no one talks openly about it. Besides seeing women enjoy anal play porn, it’s not discussed anywhere else in mainstream society.

Unfortunately, anal sex was illegal under sodomy laws in 13 states until 2003. The Supreme Court case of Lawrence v. Texas invalidated sodomy laws in 13 states making same-sex sexual activity legal in every U.S. state and territory.

Myth #3: If You Like Anal Play, You Are Weak And Are The Submissive Partner.

Fact: If you have a penis, just because you enjoy anal stimulation does not mean that you are taking on the weaker, submissive, or female role in the relationship.

It simply means that you enjoy this type of pleasure.

Anal play does not have to be about submission. There also doesn’t have to be anything submissive about receiving anal stimulation.

Dominance and submission are about how you feel about a sexual act, not the act itself.

And while many people enjoy role-playing and experimenting with dominance and submission, you don’t have to experiment with dominance and submission when you explore anal play.

Myth #4: Anal Sex Hurts.

Fact: Anal sex and anal stimulation should NOT hurt if it’s done correctly. Anal play is a marathon, not a sprint.

If you start off slow, use lots of lubricant, and steadily increase the number of fingers or the right size anal sex toy, this will lead to a positive and non-hurting experience.

The misconception of pain during anal play leads some to think that only people into BDSM do it. While anal sex or anal sex toys can be a fun part of BDSM play, those that are into this kind of sexual play prefer pain from impact play (spanking, whipping, caning) instead.

If anal sex and penetration do hurt, add more lube and go slower. You might not be warmed up.

See more about warming up below…

If that doesn’t work, then stop. Don’t force it. Pain is your body’s way of telling you that something is NOT right. That’s why sex educators don’t love numbing creams. They do make it easy to keep going even when the lube has run dry or your body tightens up, but it’s a lot more likely that you’ll hurt yourself because you won’t be able to feel any pain.

Myth #5: You Don’t Need Lube For Anal Play.

Fact: Unlike the vagina, the anus does not lubricate itself. Therefore, lots of lube is required for comfortable and pleasurable anal sex.

We recommend using an anal lubricant.


Anal lube is thicker and protects you against harmful bacteria. Because of its thickness, anal lube has a high cushion (stays in place) and has high viscosity.

So, since anal stimulation should NOT hurt, why does anal stimulation feel so good? No matter your gender, the rectum and the anus connect to the same nerve endings that goes to the clitoris, labia, penis and scrotum. This is why anal can be pleasurable and can even help people who are struggling to have orgasms.

Things To Remember First About Anal Sex


It is very wise to be prepared with anal lubricant, which is thicker than regular lubricant. Anal lube stays on the skin longer providing a more comfortable feeling by reducing friction and sensation. Our favorite is Sliquid Sassy.

You might also want to try an anal relaxer, such as Intimate Earth Adventure Woman’s Anal Relaxing Serum or Intimate Earth Daring Men’s Anal Serum.

How To Introduce Anal

When introducing anal please remember that what you see in porn is not real! Please remember to be gentle so that the experience is pleasurable for the receiver!

  1. Get your partner really excited. That way, they won’t be worrying about what will happen next.
  2. Using fingers first is a good way to get your partner comfortable with the idea of anal. Start with a single finger, maybe your pinky finger. On a woman, with her permission ahead of time, try stimulating her clitoris and very slowly insert your well-lubed finger while still performing oral.
  3. After your partner is comfortable with a finger or two, you might want to try an anal toy or rubbing the penis against the anus. If experimenting with the penis, the next time, you could try a little actual penetration and the next time, even more, penetration until the penis is fully inside the anus.

Why Is Anal Sex Enjoyable For Women?

The anus shares a wall with the vaginal cavity. So anal penetration not only stimulates the cervix (encouraging deep orgasm), at certain angles, it also stimulates the G-spot. Either way, the combination of stimulating the clitoris and the anus generally creates a more intense orgasm, which will be very appreciated!

What Is Rimming?

If everyone is comfortable, you could try licking the butt and oral stimulation of the anus, which is called rimming, aka analingus. Start this in the shower so that everyone feels clean. Rimming can be very erotic and is something new for you to explore.


What Are Anal Beads?

Anal beads are a string of beads that graduate in size and are pulled out when close to orgasm. They stimulate the anal opening as it opens and closes around each bead. This feeling can induce orgasm or the removal of beads during orgasm makes the orgasm even better.

How to use anal beads: Lubricate yourself and the anal beads, then insert the first bead slowly and gently. You can then insert each bead slowly until you’ve taken as much as you are comfortable with. Anal beads can be pleasurable when left in during sex or masturbation. Another way anal beads can be pleasurable is at the beginning of an orgasm. When starting to orgasm, the beads can be pulled out one at a time during orgasm making the orgasm even better.


What Are the Best Anal Sex Toys?

Best Beginner Anal Sex Toys

You are a beginner if you have never used an anal toy, or have only used small anal toys or a finger for anal penetration. Stick with something simple and lightweight that is either silicone or hard plastic. Try a toy that has a diameter of approximately 0-1″. You could also try anal beads since the beads graduate in size and you can use as much of the toy as you feel comfortable.

Best Intermediate Anal Sex Toys

If you have had previous experience with smaller anal toys are ready to graduate to something bigger. It’s recommended that you choose a toy that is approximately 1-1.5″ in diameter.

If you haven’t already done so, now might be the time to introduce heavier materials like glass, stainless steel or wood. You could also introduce some texture or vibration.

Best Advanced Anal Sex Toys

More advanced anal users want something large with a diameter at least 1.5″ or more. You could also try anal beads or something very different with 3 different points of vibration or with 2 rotating beads inside the toy

Recommended Reading: Best Butt Plugs That Sex Experts Recommend For Safe Anal Play


Final Thoughts . . .

For many people, not agreeing to anal is more of a mental stumbling block than anything else. They are either self-conscious or are religiously conflicted about it. If you press your partner into an experience that turns out unpleasant or uncomfortable, say goodbye to anal. Communicate, listen, and take it very, very slowly, and (back) doors will open! Try some anal products from MSL – Njoy Butt Plug, Fun Factory Bootie Anal Plug, the Lovense Hush Vibrating Butt Plug and Vedo Earthquaker Anal Vibrator.